i just had my first trimester ultrasound…

so far the baby’s 66mm long, 22 mm wide…beating 155bpm

was sucking its thumb whilst the pathologist was trying to capture as many scans as it could from my very full bladder/lower stomach (they made me drink a litre of water an hour before the scan) which made me go to the loo 5 million times after that…

the next one’s due at the end of next month…

just so relieved that everything’s ok…particularly after all that its been through, as well as the fact that i’ve got diabetes on my dad’s side and hubby’s got high blood pressure on his -a fab combination!

should start thinking of names shouldn’t i…any ideas anyone!?!

was thinking along the lines of a battler/warrior(ess) because even i had doubts that it would make it, especially with severe cramps i experienced when i had that internal bleeding a few weeks ago…

feel like its more real now…that i’ve got something to look forward to, even though it was before but just seeing scans of its face, spine, feet, bladder, etc -evolving to a human being makes it more real…

hubby’s also blown away from it…

we’ve been ok so far…

he’s driving is still crazy, sense of direction like other women (:P) and its gotten to the point where when he’s had bad days or is simply slow -im just catching the taxi or bus to and from work. he even banned me one time all because he couldn’t quickly respond or listen to questions…until that fine he received a few days ago…-now he’s feeling the punishment of driving too fast or basically not obeying Australian driving laws -which i’m sure in a few days time he’ll rock up to the nearest licensing centre demanding to not be charged with such a fee (when really it was his fault)…

got underpaid today (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) for the overtime and 20% loading i’m suppose to get on top of my usual pay. so might be short again…

trying to figure out how i can get out of my fitness first gym membership…

i tried cancelling it a few days ago but when i mentioned i wanted to cancelled i think they were deaf and totally bombarded the benefits of me using the gym before i could even say anything, despite my dear doctor advising me to stay away from them for the time being

probably might have to pay the full $2k figure but i guess its better than being hounded every month to visit it…

i think the only workout i’ll be getting is a mental one

they wouldn’t even give me the bank discount for being part of bankwest!

i’m doing credit card enquiries at the moment, will be upgrading to lending in a few weeks time so looking forward to it…so sick of reseting online banking passwords!!!

we’re still trying to find a place

they ask for references and history of renting which i think is not faor especially for first timers like us. our job references/salary earnings should be enough or how many applications do we have to go through before we really get our own apartment!?!? coz it is quite limiting staying with folks

just bought the marwa hamed style book from ebay mentioned in thehijablog.wordpress.com. use to buy so much stuff on ebay. now i’ve forgotten how to especially when it comes to making payments from my credit card. i made it using my credit card but i think its defaulted to my visa and not to my mastercard…just having problems to how i can update this or would it be done all through paypal?

does anybody know?!?

anyways can’t wait to get that book

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AFTER A DAY OUT AT SUNNY HILLARY’S BOAT HARBOUR WITH HUBBY 2 WEEKS BACK WE DECIDED TO GET BACK TOGETHER…JUST TO GIVE IT ANOTHER GO…

THE DECISION WAS FULLY PUT ON ME. HE WAS WILLIING TO GO WITH ANYTHING I WANTED, EVEN IF IT MEANT A DIVORCE.

AS MUCH AS THAT SEEMED THE BEST ROAD TO TAKE, I JUST HAD TO GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY, TO KNOW THAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT THIS TIME ROUND, INCLUDING GETTING SOMEONE TO COME IN BETWEEN AND SORT US OUT, THEN AT LEAST I HAD TRIED EVERYTHING AND DONE MY BEST TO MAKE IT WORK.

WE JUST WENT OUT LAST WEEK FOR THE RED BULL AIR RACE. WAS GLAD HE HAD A BALL DESPITE BEING SUNBURNT YET AGAIN. I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN I GO TO THESE OUTINGS BECAUSE ITS NOT SO EASY FOR HIM TO RELAX AND ENJOY HIMSELF.

I STOPPED BLEEDING THE SUNDAY PAST…I’M DUE FOR ANOTHER ULTRASOUND NEXT SAT…HOPE THE BABY’S OK. TOOK ANOTHER PREGNANCY TEST A FEW DAYS BACK BEFORE MY FIRST TRIMESTER SCREEN BLOOD TEST (BSL) JUST TO SEE IF I STILL WAS PREGNANT AND ALHAMDULILLAH I STILL AM. HAD TO MAKE SURE BECAUSE I FELT SO OUT OF TOUCH, NOT IN-SYNC WITH THE REST OF MY BODY LIKE I NORMALLY AM.

HE HAS CHANGED A BIT…FOR NOW…BUT I’VE NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS WILL LAST…AT LEAST I’M NOT PUTTING UP WITH HIS USUAL CHILDISH AGGRESSIVE GAMES THAT HE’S NORMALLY UP TO AND HE HAS SOMEHOW SOFTEN UP, BECOME MORE SENSITIVE BUT AS MUCH I’M ENJOYING THIS SOMEWHAT “HONEYMOON” PHASE, I REALLY CAN’T EXPECT FOR TOO MUCH EVEN THOUGH I DO DESERVE MORE LIKE THIS…

WE MANAGED TO BUY A LANOS (BETTER THAN A ‘80S OLD-SCHOOL MERCEDES THAT HE HAD HE’S EYES FOR) SO THAT’S LETTING US MOVE AROUND MORE THAN JUST BEING RESTRICTED TO THE LOCAL PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

ITS BEEN TOUGH AT WORK WITH THE CRAZY SITUATION GOING ON WITH OUR FINANCIAL MARKETS WORLDWIDE. ITS LIKE I COME TO WORK BEING PAID TO LOOK AFTER EVERY IRATE CUSTOMER. ITS PEOPLE’S LIVELIHOOD I KNOW BUT IT DOES GET VERY MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINING TO PUT UP AGAIN WITH MORE CRAP BUT ITS THE VERY FLAMBOUYANT COLLEAGUES THAT MAKE ME SANE EACH DAY WITH IT…

I’VE STILL YET TO SORT OUT AN INTERVENTION WITH AN IMAM FOR HIM TO CLEARLY STATE WHAT THE GUIDELINES ARE IN REGARDS TO A HUSBAND’S RESPONSIBILITY TO HIS FAMILY BECAUSE HE’S STILL MIXING UP CULTURE WITH RELIGION. THE OTHER DAY WE HAD A DEBATE ABOUT CHILD MARRIAGES AFTER WATCHING ANOTHER PAIR OF TODDLERS BEING MARRIED OFF BY THEIR PARENTS. SOMETIMES I WONDER WHAT CENTURY HE’S LIVING IN BECAUSE ITS CERTAINLY NOT THE 21ST.

JUST LOOKING FOR A PLACE AT THE MOMENT, PREFERABLY IN THE CITY SO BOTH OF US COULD DO SOME OVERTIME BUT ITS NOT EASY LANDING UP AS ONE OF THE FINALISTS…

THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO’S WRITTEN IN AS WELL AS HAD TAKEN THE TIME TO READ MY BLOG. YOU GUYS REALLY DO KEEP ME GOING…FEEL FREE TO WRITE YOUR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS…

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THANK GOODNESS OBAMA WON OR ELSE I DON’T KNOW HOW THE WORLD CAN HANDLE BEING SCREWED BY YET ANOTHER ONE-DIMENSIONAL, WAR-HUNGRY, DINSASAUR OF A RED-NECK!

ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I’VE HEARD SUCH A MOVING, INSPIRING, MOMENTOUS SPEECH TOO!

WONDER WHAT THE LIKES OF OSAMA AND IRAN WOULD REACT TO THIS…

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THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO DROPPED BY AND JOTTED DOWN THEIR THOUGHTS, SUPPORT, PEARLS OF WISDOMS TO MY CURRENT SITUATION…I WILL GET BACK TO EACH AND ONE OF YOU INDIVIDUALLY WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. STILL NO INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME…

LAST FRIDAY MORNING (14/10/2008) -JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE A BATH TO GET READY FOR WORK FOUND OUT I WAS BLEEDING (THE EXACT TIME AS I HAD MY PREVIOUS MARRIAGE). SO RUSHED TO ROYAL PERTH HOSPITAL -THEY REFERRED ME TO KING EDWARD. HUBBY’S OF COURSE ELSEWHERE (BACKPACKERS. HAD BEEN SO SINCE THE LAST HE WAS ESCORTED BY THE POLICE). SO HAD TO TAXI’D ALONE 6AM IN THE MORNING.

I WAS BLEEDING LIKE THE RED SEA. AT FIRST THEY HAD TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A 70% I HAD LOST THE BABY. BUT THEN AFTER WAITING AROUND (3 HOURS) FOR THE ULTRA SOUND AND MANY TESTS LATER -THEY COULD STILL SEE THE BABY STILL BREATHING (ALHAMDULILLAH) BUT THERE WAS QUITE A CUT INSIDE…

THEY TOLD ME TO GO HOME, TAKE PLENTY OF REST. SAID -THE BLEEDING COULD EITHER AFFECT THE BABY AND HAVE IT MISCARRIAGE OR BY THE GRACE OF ALLAH, STILL MAKE IT LIVE.

NOT SURE OF THIS ADVICE.

IF ANYONE’S EVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING SIMILAR -COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT WERE MY OTHER OPTIONS (I.E. GET MEDICATION TO STOP THE INTERNAL BLEEDING?!? ETC ETC) BCOZ I’M JUST NOT SATISFIED WITH THE PRESCRIPTION.

HUBBY SEEMS TO WANT ME BACK AND NOT CONSIDER A DIVORCE BECAUSE (SO-HE-SAYS) REALLY WANTS TO BE THERE FOR THE BABY…BUT I’M NOT BUYING IT YET.

HE EVEN WANTS TO MOVE BACK IN WITH HIM ONCE HE’S FOUND A PLACE. MY FOLKS ARE SAYING A BIG NO-NO, SO DID THE SOCIAL WORKER WHO I SAW AFTER I HAD FINISHED UP WITH THE DOC AFTER SOME TALKS BUT I AM STILL THINKING ON THE DECISION.

HAVE TO GO NOW. GETTING CRAMPS AND HUBBY JUST CALLED TO MEET UP FOR DINNER TO TALK ABOUT WHERE THIS WILL GO.

TOLD HIM -WILL ONLY COME BACK AFTER AGREEING TO HAVE TALKS WITH THE IMAMS AND COUNSELLORS ABOUT HIS ACTION. HE’S NOT HAPPY ON THE IDEA BUT KNOWING WHAT HE’S LIKE -HAVE TO DO A LOT OF PERSUADING…JUST TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT ITS NEVER OK TO HIT IN ANY SOCIETY, WALKS OF LIFE, SYSTEM AND MAYBE LETTER CHECK UP ON THIS CRAMP.

WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED.

THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ADVICE.

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CALLED THE POLICE LAST NIGHT TO GET MY HUSBAND REMOVED FROM THE PREMISES AND HAVE A 24 HOUR RESTRAINING ORDER PUT ON HIM BECAUSE HE’D BEEN BACK TO HIS “BOXING” HABITS AGAIN -ALL OVER SOMETHING REALLY PETTY BUT TO HIM WAS A “VIOLATION” OF HIS MANHOOD (LIKE USUAL I.E. MY SELF-DEFENCE/STAND FOR NOT PUTTING UP WITH HIS SHITE NO MORE AS A RESPONSE)…SO HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS…

WAS DIFFICULT SLEEPING ALONE IN BED LAST NIGHT…COZ IT HAD BEEN JUST A FEW HOURS BEFORE THAT PRIOR TO THE INCIDENT THAT WE SHARED KISSES AND HUGS, LAUGHS, DINNER BEFORE HE TURNED AGGRESSIVELY PSYCHO ON ME AGAIN…I’M GOING TO MISS ALL THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT HIM…EVEN MOURN FOR THEM BECAUSE I KNOW I’M NOT GOING TO RECEIVE THAT AGAIN FOR GOOD…BUT I HAVE TO BE STRONG…I DON’T DESERVE TO BE BATTERED AND CONTROLLED OR EVEN ALLOW MYSELF TO BEING SO NO MORE ALL BECAUSE IN THE NAME OF LOVE…

FEEL SO ASHAMED AND ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR LETTING THIS GO ON FOR SO LONG…

TRIED TO CLEAR AS MUCH FUNDS AS I CAN TO COVER ME TILL NEXT WEEK COZ STINGEY HIM WOULD NEVER THINK OF THAT, JUST TO GET BACK AT ME…

MY HANDS AND BODY ARE STILL SORE AND BRUISED AS I’M TYPING THIS IN THIS REALLY SMELLY, SMALL, CROWDED INTERNET CAFE, GASPING FOR SOME FRESH AIR…

I FEEL SO NUMB…CAN’T CRY NO MORE OVER THIS BUT I KNOW THIS IS IT -THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE…

HE’S WARNED ME THAT IF I EVEN REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE THAT IT’D BE IT. WHY MUST I BE AFRAID OF HIM…AND I LITERALLY SHOUTED THIS OUT TO HIS FACE. JUST HAD HAD ENOUGH.

I KNOW HE’LL NEVER ADMIT HIS WRONG AND SAY ITS MY FAULT EVEN WHEN HE WAS THE ONE INSTIGATING IT BUT BEATING YOUR PREGNANT WIFE ISN’T ONE WAY TO SETTLE AN ARGUMENT. I’M SURE HIS FAMILY ESPECIALLY HIS MUM WILL POINT THE BLAME AT ME BECAUSE HER SON’S A WONDERFUL SHAITAN, I MEAN ANGEL.

WANTED TO PRESS CHARGES AND TAKE HIM TO COURT BUT AS THE REST OF THE FAMILY WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE AND THE MUSIC WAS ON SO LOUD -COULDN’T WITNESSED ANYTHING.

RIGHT NOW READING AS MUCH AS I CAN AS TO HOW I CAN DEPORT HIM FOR GOOD SO HE NEVER STEPS FOOT ON THIS PLACE. I’M SURE HE’LL PROBABLY TRY TO DO THE SAME WHEN HE’S BACK IN EGYPT FOR ME. THATS HOW HE IS…

IF I DON’T GET ANY DIVORCE SENT TO ME IN THE NEXT MONTH OR SO, I’LL BE THE ONE GETTING THAT SETTLED.

BUT I DO FEEL SO LIBERATED FROM TAKING THAT STEP.

I KNOW IT SURPRISED HIM THAT I’D EVER GO THROUGH WITH IT BECAUSE I’D WARNED TO DO SO ONLY TO TAKE HIM BACK. BUT I CAN’T RISK LOSING MY BABY AGAIN…I’M 8 WEEKS PREGNANT…

IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH TO GET SOME SENSE INTO HIM THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT CAN BECAUSE EVEN HIS DEEN WAS NOT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE HIM THAT ABUSING ME IS WRONG.

I’M JUST ASKING ALLAH TO PLEASE KEEP ME STRONG ESPECIALLY WHEN IT I’M ALONE IN BRINGING UP THIS BABY INSHA’ALLAH AND PROVIDE US WITH A BETTER LIFE TO WHAT MY HUSBAND COULD PROVIDE ME…

IT WAS ONLY WHEN AYMAN WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE AND BE TAKEN AWAY THAT MY MUM FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WHOLE THING YESTERDAY. EVEN THEN, HER INITIAL RESPONSE WAS, “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE ON HIM”. AND I REPLIED, “ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME TO DIE FOR THE COPS TO COME AROUND”. DISAPPOINTING…BUT SOMETHING I KNEW MY FAMILY WOULD SAY ABOUT CRISIS’ LIKE THIS.

ITS BEEN HARD TRYING TO MANAGE AND REMAIN COLLECTED AT WORK WHEN THE PAIN AND BRUISING CONSTANTLY REMIND YOU OF IT BUT I CAN’T LET IT GET IT TO ME…

ITS MY TIME TO SHINE DESPITE ALL THE DARKNESS…

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS OF BETTER WAYS I CAN COPE AND GET THROUGH THIS…IT’D MEAN SO MUCH…

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